Project Gutenberg's A Pickle For The Knowing Ones, by Lord Timothy DexterThis eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and withalmost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away orre-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License includedwith this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.orgTitle: A Pickle For The Knowing OnesAuthor: Lord Timothy DexterRelease Date: August 12, 2013 [EBook #43453]Language: EnglishCharacter set encoding: ASCII*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PICKLE FOR THE KNOWING ONES ***Produced by David Edwards, David Garcia and the OnlineDistributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (Thisfile was produced from images generously made availableby The Internet Archive)
BY LORD TIMOTHY DEXTER,
WITH AN
Introductory Preface,
BY A DISTINGUISHED CITIZEN OF "OULD NEWBERRY."
FOURTH EDITION.
NEWBURYPORT:
BLANCHARD & SARGENT.
1848.
Lord Dexter and his Dog.
PREFACE.
Timothy Dexter, the author of the following curious and unique production,entitled "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones," which is here re-printedverbatim et spellatim from the original edition, was born in Malden,January 22, 1747. Having served an apprenticeship with a leather dresser,he commenced business in Newburyport shortly after he was one andtwenty, and being industrious and economical, he soon found himselfin good circ*mstances. In the year 1770 he married, and receiving aconsiderable amount of money with his wife, he was thus put in possessionof a moderate fortune. In 1776 he had for one of his apprentices theno less eccentric, and afterwards the no less noted Jonathan Plumer,jun., "travelling preacher, physician and poet," as he was accustomedto style himself, and of whom we shall hereafter speak. In addition tohis regular business of selling leather breeches, gloves "soutabel forwimen's ware," &c. he engaged in commercial speculations, and in variouskinds of business, and was unusually successful. He traded with merchantsand speculators in the then Province of Maine, was engaged to some extentin the West India trade. He also purchased a large amount of what werecalled State securities, which were eventually redeemed at prices farexceeding their original cost. Some of his speculations in whaleboneand warming pans are mentioned by himself on page 23 of this work. Thusin various ways he added to his property, and in a few years he becamea wealthy man. With wealth came the desire of distinction, and as hisvanity was inordinate he spared no expence in obtaining the notoriety hesought. In the first place he purchased an elegant house in High Street,Newburyport, and embellished it in his peculiar way. Minarets surmountedwith golden balls were placed on the roof, a large gilt eagle was placedon the top, and a great variety of other ornaments. In front of his houseand land he caused to be erected between forty and fifty wooden statues,full length and larger than life. The principal arch stood directly infront of his door, and on this stood the figures of Washington, Adamsand Jefferson. There were also the statues of William Pitt, Franklin,Bonaparte, George IV, Lord Nelson, Gen. Morgan, Cornplanter, an IndianChief, Jack Tar, Traveling Preacher, Maternal Affection, Two Grenadiers,Four Lions and one Lamb, and conspicuous among them were two images ofDexter himself, one of which held a label with the inscription "I am thefirst in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopherin the Western world." In order that the interior of his house shouldcorrespond with the exterior, the most costly furniture was imported fromFrance, and the walls hung with paintings, brought from Holland and otherparts of Europe. A library was also provided, but how large or valuablewe are not able to say. An elegant coach with a span of beautiful creamcolored horses was procured, on which was painted his coat of arms,with the baronial supporters, after the manner of the English nobility.With this equipage he took the title of Lord Dexter, because, as he said,it was "the voice of the people at Large." He was sometimes calledthe Marquis of Newburyport. Having completed the embelishments of hishouse and gardens, Lord Dexter busied himself in receiving the visits ofthe crowds, who were drawn by curiosity to his house. His gardens werethrown open to their inspection, and he was liberal to all. The fame ofhis hospitality attracted as many visitors as the fame of his images. Togratify his vanity he selected in imitation of European princes, a poetlaureate. This was no other than his former apprentice, Jonathan Plumer,jun., a native of Newbury.[4] They had once been associated as master andapprentice, but now stood in the relation of patron and poet. From theauto-biography of Plumer a very curious and scarce production of 244pages, the following extract is taken, which may serve to give some ideaof the versatility of his genius.—"I had," says he, "some practice asa physician, and earned something with my pen, but for several yearswas obliged chiefly to follow various kinds of business accountedless honorable, viz: Farming, repeating select passages from authors,selling halibut, sawing wood, selling books and ballads in the streets,serving as post boy, filling beds with straw and wheeling them to theowners thereof, collecting rags, &c." He had previously served one or twocampaigns as a soldier, and on his return from the wars he taught schoolfor some time in New Hampshire. The ballads, which he hawked about, weregenerally his own composition. Every horrid accident, bloody murder, ashipwreck, or any other dreadful catastrophe, was sure to be followed bya statement of the facts, a sermon and a poem. In the capacity of balladmaker and monger he attracted the notice of Dexter, in whose service heentered for a small salary as poet laureate. He wore a livery, consistingof a black frock coat, adorned with stars and fringes, a co*cked hatand black breeches. He was crowned in the garden of his patron with awreath of parsley, instead of laurel, but the ceremony was interruptedbefore its completion by a mob of boys, and both patron and poet put toflight. One specimen of his laudatory verses may be seen on page 29 ofthis work, which will give the reader some idea of his qualificationsfor the office to which he was elected. How well he was satisfied withthe praises of the poet we are not informed, but feeling probably thatno person but himself could do justice to the ideas, which he wishedto present to the public, he commenced writing for the press. Severalof these effusions were printed in the newspapers.—The larger partof them written at different times are embodied in the present work, alarge edition of which was published by himself and given away. In thisedition not a stop or a mark was used in any line of his writings, butin the second edition one entire page was filled with stops and marks,with a recommendation from the author to his readers, to use them wherethey were wanted in the work, or in his own language, "to peper andsoolt it as they pleased." Dexter had two children, Samuel and Nancy,neither of whom was distinguished for strength of intellect. The son wasa dissipated prodigal and died young. The daughter, of whom mention ismade by the father in the following pages, was married to Abraham Bishopof New Haven, who we are informed treated her with neglect and cruelty.A divorce followed and she became intemperate, lost what little reasonshe had, and is still living, a wretched object. Lord Dexter himself,if we may judge from his own writings and from what we have heard, wasnot happy in his domestic relations. He complains much of his wife,whom he calls the "gost," and charges the cause of his separationfrom her for thirteen years to his son Bishop. His own temper wasirascible, and several stories are told of the excesses, into whichit would sometimes lead him. He ordered his painter, Mr. Babson, toplace the word "Constitution" on the scroll in the hand of the figure ofJefferson, which the latter, knowing the artist designed it to representthe Declaration of Independence, refused to do. Dexter was so incensedby this refusal, that he went into the house, and brought out a pistol,which he deliberately fired at the painter; but he was a poor shot, andthe ball missing its object, entered the side of the house. At anothertime, seeing a countryman, as he thought, rather impudently viewing hispremises, he ordered his son to fire at the stranger. He refused to do so,when the father threatened to shoot him unless he complied. His son thenobeyed. The stranger escaped unhurt, but entered a complaint, and LordTimothy was, in consequence, sentenced to the house of correction forseveral months. He went thither in[5] his own coach, priding himselfon being the first man who had been to the county house in his owncarriage, drawn by two splendid horses. He soon grew tired, however, ofhis confinement, and procured a release, which it was said, cost him athousand dollars. The individual, who exercised most influence over Dexterwas a negro woman, named Lucy Lancaster, or as she was commonly called"Black Luce," a woman of uncommon strength of mind, great shrewdnessand remarkable for her powers of memory and knowledge of human nature,but as wicked as she was sagacious. She thought him an honest man, andnot so deficient in intellect as many people supposed, and attributedhis eccentricities to an excess of animal spirits.—This was probably tosome extent true, though it is certain that other spirits contributed inno small degree to the excesses of his temper and the peculiarities ofhis taste. He was addicted to drunkenness, and with his son and othercompanions, kept up his revels in the best apartments of his house,by which in a very short time, all his costly furniture was ruined,or very much injured.
"Not insensible that he must share the common lot, Dexter, many yearsbefore his death, prepared himself a tomb. It was the basem*nt story ofhis summer-house, magnificently fitted, and open to the light of day. Hiscoffin, made of the best mahogany which he could find, superbly lined,and adorned with silver handles, he kept in a room of the house, andtook great pleasure in exhibiting it to visitors—at other times it waslocked up. Soon after his death apparatus was prepared, Dexter got up amock funeral, which with all but his family and a few associates was topass as real. Various people in the town were invited by card, who cameand found the family clad in mourning, and preparations for the funeralgoing forward. The burial service was read by a wag, who then pronounceda bombastic eulogy upon the deceased. The mourners moved in procession tothe tomb in the garden, the coffin was deposited, and they returned tothe large hall, where a sumptuous entertainment was provided. While thefeast was going on, a loud noise attracted the guests to the kitchen,where they beheld the arisen Lord caning his wife for not having sheda tear during the ceremony! He entered the hall with the astonishedmourners, in high spirits, joined in the rout, threw money from thewindow to the crowd of boys, and expressed his satisfaction with everything except the indifference of his wife, and the silence of the bells."
Lord Dexter died at his house, on the 26th of October, 1806, in his 60thyear, and by direction of the Board of Health, his remains were interredin the common burying place. His grave is marked by a simple stone.
The Dexter mansion, is yet standing, and is a very fine tenement, butretains few traces of the whims of its late proprietor. Of the images,upwards of forty in number, only the three Presidents now remain, theothers having been cast down by the resistless hand of time. Some ofthem were blown down in the great gale of September, 1815, and were soldat auction.
The cut fronting the Biography gives a very excellent and faithfulrepresentation of Lord Dexter in his walking habits, and the likeness ofthe dog is equally perfect. The dog was perfectly black and the skin asentirely free from hair as that of an elephant. He differed as much fromother dogs as did his master and his friend, the poet, differ from otherpeople. The likenesses of all three were drawn with great accuracy byJames Aiken, Esq. now a resident of Philadelphia, and could the patronand the poet be seen in proper person, dressed in the costume of thatday, they would be objects of great curiosity. But they are gone, andof each it may be truly said,
We ne'er shall look upon his like again.
A PICKLE
FOR THE KNOWING ONES.
To mankind at Large the time is Com at Last the grat day of Regoisingwhat is that why I will tell you thous three kings is Rased Rased youmeane should know Rased on the first Royal Arch in the world olmost Notquite but very hiw up upon so thay are good mark to be scene so thewomans Lik to see the frount and all people Loves to see them as thequakers will Com and peape slyly and feele glad and say houe the douefrind father Jorge washeton is in the senter king Addoms is at the Ritehand the present king at the Left hand father gorge with his hat on theother hats of the middel king with his sword king Addoms with his Canein a grand poster Adtetoude turning his fass towards the first king asif they was on sum politicks king our present king he is stands hearingbeing younger and very deafe in short being one grat felosfer Looks wellEast & west and North & south deafe & very deafe the god of Natur has dunvery much for our present king and all our former ones they are all goodI want them to Live for Ever and I beleave thay will it is hard work tobe A king—I say it is hardar than tilling the ground I know it is for Ifind it is hard work to be A Lord I dont desier the sound but to pleasthe peopel at Large Let it gou to brak the way it dus for Asort mentto help a good Lafe to Cour the sick spleney goutey dul frames Lik myselfe with the goute and so on make merry a Chealy Christen is for meonly be onnest No matter what they worshep son moune or stars or therewife or miss if onnest Live forever[8] money wont gitt thous figers so fastas I wish I have sent to Leg horn for many mr bourr is one Amonks othersI sent in the grand Crecham thous 3 kings Are plane white colow at presentthe Royal Arch & figers cost 39 pound wate silver the hiest Councatonorder in the world so it is sade by the knowing one I have only 4 Lions& 1 Lam up the spred Eagel has bin up 3 years upon the Coupelay I have 13billors front in strat Row for 13 states when we begun 3 in the Rear 15foot hie 4 more on the grass see 2 the same hath at the Rite of the grandArch 2 at the left wing 15 foot hie the Arch 17 foot hie the my hous is3 sorey upwards of 290 feet round the hous Nater has formed the groundEaquel to what you would wish for the Art by man Eaquel to a Solomunthe onerabel Jonathan Jackson one of the first in this Country for tastborne A grat man by Nater then the best Lurning what sot me fored formy plan having so gran spot the hool of the world Cant Excead this tothous that dont know would think I was Like halfe the world A Lier Ihave traveled good deale but old steady men sayeth it is the first thatit is the first best in this Contry & others Contrey I tell you this thetrouth that None of you grat men wodent be A frunted at my preseadens &I spare Now Cost in the work I have the tempel of Reason in my garding3 years past with a toume under it on the Eage of the grass see it cost98 gineys besides the Coffen panted whit in side and out side tuched withgreen Nobel trimings uncommon Lock so I can tak the kee in side and hayefier works in the toume pipes and tobacker & A speaking trumpet and &bibel to Read & sum good songs
What is a presedent answer A king bonne partey the grate has as muchpower as A king and ort to have & it is a massey he has for the good ofmankind he has as much power as Any king for grat ways back there must beA head sum whare or the peopel is Lost Lik wild gees when thay Lous thegander two Leged want A head if fore Leged both & 2 Leged fouls the Nameof presedent is to pleas the peopel at Large the sound souts best Now inthe south give way to the North the North give way to the south or by &by you will brake what falers be wise on keep the Links to gether and ifyou cant A gree Consoalated to A kingly power for you must keep togetherat the wost hear it Labers ye les see there is so many men wants be theall offesers & Now sogers poor king Every day wants A bone sum more thenothers the king cant Live without the feald wee have had our turne gratgood father Addoms[9] turne & turne About Rest Easey you all will be pleasedwith the present king give time all did I say Now but the magor partfore fifths at least.
TIMOTHY DEXTER
Frinds hear me 2 granadears goss up in 20 days fourder frinds I will tellthe A tipe of man kind what is that 35 or 36 years gone A town caledNoubry all won the Younited states Noubry peopel kept to gether quiettill the Larned groed strong the farmers was 12 out of 20 thay wanted tohave the offesers in the Contry the Eaned in the see port wanted to havethem there geering A Rose groued warme fite thay wood in Law thay wentthe Jnrel Cort to be sot of finely thay go there Eands Answered the seeport caled Newbury Port 600 Eakers of Land out of thirty thousand Eakersof good Land so much for mad peopel of Larning makes them mad if thayhad kept to gether they wood have bin the sekent town in this stat About halfe of boston Now men mad to be in offess it hurts the peopel otLarge Like Carying the Innegent Lam to the slarter Now it would done todewide the North from the south all won what I have Leade down but nowkeep to gether it is Like man and wife in troue Love Now guving deathin the grander you will sous the glory I say keep to gether dont brakthe Chane Renoue brotherle Love Never fade Like my box in my gardingbe one grat familey give way to one A Nother thous changes is the tidehie warter & Loue warte hie tids & Loue tids for my part I have Likedall the kings all three all our broken marchants cant have beaths ofproffett gone and till the ground goue to work is all that has bin toColeage goue with slipers and promis to pay and Never pay only with ALye I gess 4 fifths is Coleage Lant or devel Lant or pretended to beonnest free masions but are to the Contrey for give me for gessing Ihope it is Not so the Leaned is for Leovs & Littel fishes moses was butA man and Aaron thay had sum devel like my selfe man is the same givehim power I say the Cloak Cukement maters the worst of cheats we hantgot ony N Port wee are Noted to be the first in the North sabed Day isNot halfe A Nuf Night meatens it maks work for the Docters and NusesCaaching Could but them Lives breed fast to mak up for them that diespoor creaters I pittey them so preast Riden it is wickard to leave poorsols in to the grave all our minesters are imported Very good men foullof Love of Crist I kep them A mit Amen at present.
The yong man that doth most all my Carving his work is much Liked byour grat men I felt founney one day I thort I would ask sade young manwhare he was bone he sade Now whare what is all that Now whare was yourmother over shaderd I says my mother was if I was to gess No I tell inNow town borne o on the water I says you beat me and so wee Lafed andit shuk of the spleane shoue him A Crows Neast he can carve one A finefellow—I shold had all marbel if any bodey could to me the prise so Ihave sent for 8 busts for kings and grat men and 1 Lion & 2 gray houndsI hope to hear in foue Days to all onnest men
TIMOTHY DEXTER.
mister printter I must goue sum fourder I have got one good pen my fortinhas bin hard very hard that is I have hard Noks on my head 4 difrent timesfrom A boy to this Day twice taken up for dead two beating was a Lawyerthen he was mad be Case the peopel at Large Declared me Lord Dexterking of Chester this at my Contrey seet 26 mils from N Port my plasethere is the fist from solt water to Canedy——this Lawyer that brousedme was Judg Livermore son Arther the same Creater borid 200 dolors summonts be fore this & then Oaded me he beat his bene factter it has bin myLuck to be yoused ten times wos by them I doue the most for I have Lostfirst and Last as much as A tun of silver grose my wife that was had400 wut of silver Abraham bishup that married my dafter ten years gonehim & shee sence then & my son Samuel L Dexter upwards of seventeenethousand Dolors the Rest by hamsher Col by Rougs has gokbey sekkenthanded preasts Deakens gruntters whimers Every foue minnets A sith orChrist wee must be Leave in Crist o o Jeases will save us I thinks sumtimes the saving solt & smoak & solt peater will in time be very dearif it is yous the more smoak or the preasts will be out of work LittelLike fister france I Lade out A blan to have holerdays one Day in ten 24years gone I thort it would save the Natision grat Deale of money sir inone sentrey then the preasts wood have time to studdery then hamer Downsmartly make the sulffer smoak in their Nostils under the Cloak of bread& wine the hipecricks Cloven foots thay Doue it to get power to Lie andNot be mistruested all wars mostly by the suf the broken marchents arefond of war for thay hant Nothing to Lous & the minesters in all warsthe Case o god Leave the Divel out when it is all Divel If you can[11] barethe trouth I will tell the trouth man is the best Annemel and the worstall men are more or less the Divel but there is sit of ods sum halfe sumthree qurters the other part beast of Difrent kind of beasts sum one thingand sum a Nother sum Like a Dog sum Lik horses sum bare sum Cat sum Lionsum lik ouls sum a monkey sum wild Cat sum Lam sum A Dove sum a hogg suma oxe sum a snake I want Desepons to be Dun A way but thay wont Never beas Long os prist Riden what Doue the preast prech to the Divel for allthere hearaes old & youn more or Less the Divel I Liked to sade so Divelpreaches to Divels Rebouking sin keep it up up up sayeth the hipacritsmockers of god habits an Costom is the ods ods maks the diffrence I seesgod in all plases the god of Nater in all things wee Live and move ingod he is the god of Nateer all Nater is god take one Ellement from usone of the fore take the fier or the water or or Eare or Earth wee aregone so wee Live in god Now Less us all be good children doue all thingsRite the strong must bare the Infremiteys of the wicked shildren keep uptite Laws Draw the Ranes Littel harder stop theavs as fast as you can badtrade sheuuing Nine Numbers was Rot in 23 owers when I had hold of the penfive owers & 35 minnets A sort ment A sort ment is good in A shop————
The preasts fixes there goods six days then thay open shop on sundaysto sell there goods sum sets them of better than others bolerhed whena man is so week he wont doue for A Lawyer mak a preast of him for weekthing to goue with week things the blind to Lead the blind so thay mayfall into one Dich and so thay goue throue the world darkiness but fouepeopel have A pinion of there one Not one in twenty as to this worldgoods and so it is as to the other world to Inquire the way goue to afryer our peopel A bout the same thing only call it sumthing Else inRum of a king call it presedent but preasts have money to save sols Iwant to know what a sole is I wish to see one Not a gizard I thinks thesole is the thinking part there is grat minds & Littel minds grat sols &Littel sols grat minds & littel minds According to the hevdey boddeysthat has the power of our boddeys the same mother and the same fatherand six children how thay will differ in Looks complexions and axons sumfor grat thing sum for littel things sumthing Nouw I say I say my figerswill pay Intress money prove it first going over my brige sum more tolethen helping the markett of the town Leeting hoses tavern keepers costomthe honner to the town & my self.
TIMOTHY DEXTER.
one thing fourder I have bin convarted upwards 30 years quite Resinedfor the day the grat day I wish the preast Node as much as I think Idoue there harts would Leap up to glory to be so Reader for the timeof Rejoisng to goue to goue to be maried to what a fine widow with hurlamp bourning the Lamps trimed with glorey the shaking quickers afterthay git convarted and there sins washed A way thay stay at home & Lettheus goue unclene and so it is much so with me I stay at home prayingfor theavs and Rougs to be saved Day and Night praying for siners poourcreaters my hous keeper is in the dark was then bad Crasey to be savedshee says shee has sind against the holey gost I have Asked her what isshee says it is sumthing but cant find out way sends for the preast comswhat is the mater gost gost Dear sir & the minester makes a prayer thegost went of mostly not all part stayed behind shee has bin Crasey Eversence the prest cant Lay the sepont houe many Nick Names three thingshave so sayeth the preacher Amen Amen see fath I du
Noue mister printer sir I was at Noue haven 7 years and seven montspast at commencent Degrees going on 40 boys was tuck degrees to douegood or Not good the ole man with the hat on told them to suddey houemanNater & walk as A band of brothers from that day I thort that all thousthat was baot up to Coleage the meaning was to git there Liveing outof the Labeer If the Coleages was to continer one sentrey & keep upthe game recken the cost of All from there cradel to 22 years old allthere fathers and gurd inands to Lay out one houndred years intress &intress upon intress atress gess at it & cast it see houe many houndredthousand millons of Dolors it would Com to to mad Rougs and theavs toplunder the Labering man that sweats to git his bread good common Laningis the best sum good books is best well under stoud be onnest dont bepreast Riden it is a cheat all be onnest in all things Now feare Letthis goue as you find it my way speling houe is the strangest man
T DEXTER
fourder mister for A minester to git the tone is a grat pint when Ilived in hamsher one Noue Lit babstis babler sobed A way just fineshinghis sermon he says o good Lord I hop you will consider[13] what foue hintsI have given and I will cleare it up sum time hence I am much wore downnow the wether being very worme to day Less bray & so went on fire fire& brimstone & grunting & fithing and tried to cry & snufel & blow thesconks horne & sum the old souls & yong fouls sot to crying I tuck myhat and went out houe mankind & women kind is imposed upon all over theworld more or less by preast craft o for shame o for shame I pittey thembe onnest doue as you would wish others to doue unto you in all thingsNow fear of Death Amen
T D'r
fourder what difrent wous wee have of this world & the other world twogood women Lived in A town whare I once lived one was sick of a consumsonNear Death both belonged to the Church very onnest only the well womanwas week in wous & thing says unto the sik woman I thinks you will seemy housbon doue tell him I and my son A greus very well and wee are allwell and the sow is piged and got seaven prittey pigs and fare you wellsister this I beleave is serting troue & so fare the well—I shall comA gane in Littel while
and fourdermore I am for sum foue Decephons but very foue fouer thenDeathe preast craft is very good for what to make old women gront andyong children cry and old fouls fling snort o ye's and brak up farimeysDoun by untrouths Lying and swaring to A Lye stop I am a Live old meI have heard your wickard stuff you have ingerd my frinds a plenty andif you dont stop I will call forth one Abraham bishup to put Niklos andall that trys to keep up Lying if there should be any such stuf in theLand Church members pant to be fonnd of Desepchon thay are perfect butif there is any put them with the tufe bourne the Roubege pise on it orthat feare Not wind or filth go by the Rackel breed and wos then tourdI Like to sade Now sh*te stink strong bread & wine master botill houeis the boull a black man a frind to John mekel jentel man from A CrowsNest Whare Now where ass Cole cole ass whare whare Now whare o yefs sumwhare deare oilen Now the Ingons Lived there onle that Cant be he wasfrom hell whare his or was brother came from oyes oyess o yess a CrowsNeast or orgen pouler Down
FROM THE MUSEUM OF
TIMOTHY DEXTER, ESQ.
Ime the first Lord in the younited States of A mercary Now of Newburyportit is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and so Let it goue Now asI must be Lord there will foler many more Lords prittey soune for it Donthurt A Cat Nor the mouse Nor the son Nor the water Nor the Eare then goueon all in Easey Now bons broaken all is well all in Love Now I be gin toLay the Corner ston with grat Remembrence of my father Jorge Washingtonthe grate herow 17 sentreys past before we found so good A father to hischildren and Now gone to Rest Now to shoue my Love to my father and grateCarieters I will shoue the world one of the grate Wonders of the world in15 months if Now man mourders me in Dors or out Dors such A mouserum onEarth will annonce O Lord thou knowest to be troue fourder hear me goodLord I am A goueing to Let or shildren know Now to see good Lord what hasbin in the world grat wase back to own fore fathers Not old plimeth butstop to Addom & Eve to shoue 45 figers two Leged and fore Leged becose weCant Doue well without fore Legd in the first plase they are our foudein the Next plase to make out Dexters mouseum I wants 4 Lions to defendthous grat and mistry men from East to wist from North to South whichNow are at the plases Rased the Lam is Not Readey in short meater ifa*greabel I forme A good and peasabel govement on my Land in NewburyportCompleat I take 3 presedents hamsher govener all to Noue York and thegrate mister John Jay is one, that maks 2 in that state the king of gratbritton mister pitt Roufus King Cros over to france Loues the 16 andthen the grate bonnepartey the grate and there segnetoure Crow biddey—ICommand pease and the gratest brotherly Love and Not fade be Linked together with that best of troue Love so as to govern all nasions on thefass of the gloub not to tiranize over them but to put them to order ifany Despout shall A Rise as to boundreys or Any maturs of Importence itis Left france and grat britton and Amacarey to be setteled A Congressto be always in france all Despouts is to be thare seteled and this maybe Dun this will balless powers and then all wars Dun A way there[15] foreI have the Lam to lay Dow with the Lion Now this may be Dun if thos threepowers would A geray to Lay what is called Devel one side and Not Carrythe gentelman pack hors Any longer but shake him off as dust on yourfeet and Laff at him there is a grate noise aboute a toue Leged Creterhe says I am going to set sade black Divel there stop he would scarethe womans so there would be No youse for the bilding I should have toE rect sum Noue won Now I stop hear I puts the Devil Long with the bullfor he is a bulling 2 Leged Annemal stop put him one side Near SolomanLooking with Soloman to Ladey venus Now stop wind up there is grat odsin froute I will Let you know the sekret houe you may see the Develstand on your head before a Loucking glass and take a bibel in to yourbousom fast 40 owers and look in the loucking glass there is no Devilifyou dont see the ould fellow but I affirm you will see that ould Devel
Unto you all mankind Com to my hous to mock and sneare whi ye Dont youLafe be fore god or I meane your betters think the heir power Dont knowthorts and Axsions Now I will tell you good and bad it is Not pelite toCom to see what the bare walls keep of my ground if you are gentel men youwould stay Away when all is Dun in marble I expect to goue out myself toHelp if thous grat men will send on there Likeness all over the younitedStates I wish all the printers to give Notis if pleases to in form byprinten in the Nouspapers for the good of the holl of man kind———
I waus to make my Enemys grin in time Lik A Cat over a hot puding andgoue Away and hang there heads Doun Like a Dogg bin After sheep giltystop see I am Afrade I Rite toue hash my peopel Complane of backkerspittel maks work to Cleane it up——in the women skouls A bout it spitin ther hankershif or not spit A tall I must say sumthing or I shouldsay Nothing therefore make sum Noise in the world when I git so ouelyto Nash my goms and grising for water and that is salt water when brot Ayong Devel to bring it and A Scoyer to wate and tend on gentelmen A blackSuier his breth Smelt wos then bram stone by far but Let the Devel gouein to Darknes an takeld his due to Descare mankind for A Littel while thisCloven foot is seen be sum but the trap will over hall the Devel in tim Ipittey this poore black man I thinc his master wants purging a Littel tohar ber mr Devel A most but I did Not say Let him Run A way good Nit mrDevel Cary the sword and mwney with you tak John mekel Jentel man good Not
T DEXTER
THIS COMETH GREETING
mister printers the Igrent or the Nowing wons says I ort to Doue as thaydoue to keep up Cheats or the same thing Desephons to Deseave the Igrentso wee may Cheat and Likewise have wars and plunder my wish is all Liersmay have there part of fier and brimstone in this world or at least sumpart of it or Else the gouement is Not good it will want pourging sooneif A Lawyer is to way Lay a man and brouse him unmassely All most toDeath A sitteson that pays twentey fore Dolors for Careags and not morethen one Dolor A week to ment the hiways and my being Libperel is inpart of this bloddey Afare No sauage would beat a man as I was beatenalmost to Death I Did not know houe these men Came to keep sade Lawyerfrom quit killing of me till sum time After three men saw the Axon ofthe blodey seene without massey and carried sade Dexter in to the housesun fanting or Neare to se and behold the orful site bleading and blindof one Eye twoue brousings in two hours at Least Now Laws in this partof the world for A man of money to Live those I lend money to and ALawyer and others thay youse me the wost it maks Inemys then these Rogsif there is Any that call me A soull and pick a Qualrel with me A boutmy Nous papers so as to pay the Lawyer Craft to make up the molton CalfA molton Calfe Not an Ox Now the town of Chester has Lost two Hundredwate of Siver at Least I beleuv more money Now thay may have me in thetown or A Lawyer Chouse for yourselves my frinds and felow mortels peasebe with you All A men selagh finely brethren sum thing more Coming——
Chester, Sept. 29, 1796.
TIMOTHY DEXTER
For the Impartial Herald.
Messrs. Blunt & March,
I say to whom it may concern—to the majesty of the people of Newburyport,Greeting—
It costs Eight hundred Dollars a year to support a watch in this town, andyer gentlemen's windows are broken, fences pulled down and Cellars brokenopen, and much other misdemeanors done at night. Are the watch asleep, orare they afraid to detect those who are guilty of such practises? Boastnot of it if you call this Liberty and Equality. Newburyport has hadthe name of being[17] a very civil worthy place; it is a great pity some badboys or young men should disgrace it. I hope our worthy and honorablerulers will bring those rude lads to see themselves and lick the dustlike serpents, and ask forgiveness of their betters, and do so no more,but repent and live.
Now fellow citizens is it wisdom, is it policy, to use a man or men soshocking bad as to oblige them to leave the town where they paid oneDollar a day to support government?
A friend to good order, honor to whom it belongs—to great men afriend—to all good citizens and honest men good bye.
Whereas many philosophers has judged or guessed at many things aboutthis world, and so on. Now I suppose I may guess, as it is guessingtimes. I guess the world is one very large living creature, and alwayswas, and always will be without any end from everlasting to everlasting,and no end. What grows on this large creature is trees and many otherthings. In the room of hair the rocks is moulds. This is called landwhere the hair grows, the belly the sea—all kinds of fish is the wormsin the belly. This large body wants dressing to get our living of thiscreature and by industry we get a living—we and all the animal creationis less than fleas in comparison on the back or belly of this very largeimmense body. Among the hairs to work this great body is that of nature,past finding out.—All we know is we are here, we come into the worldcrying and go out groaning. Mankind is the master beast on the earth—inthe sea, the whale is the head fish—the minim is the smallest fish—thegreat fish eat up the little ones, and so not only destroy one another,but they are master over the whole of beasts and fish, even over a lion,therefore man is the masterly beast and the worst of the whole—they knowthe most, and act the worst according to what they know. Seeing mankind sobad by nature, I think when the candle goes out, men and women is done,they will lay as dirt or rocks till the great gun fires, and when thatgoes off the gun will be so large that the gun will contain nine hundredmillion tons of the best of good powder, then that will shake and bringall the bones together, then the world will be to an end. All kinds ofmusic will be going on, funding systems will be laid aside,[18] the melodywill be very great. Now why cant you all believe the above written aswell as many other things to be true; as well as what was set forth inthe last Centinel concerning digging up a frog twenty five feet belowthe surface, where it was most as hard as a rock—there was his shapelike taking a stone out of a rock—This is from a minister. Now why wontyou believe me as well.
WONDER OF WONDERS!
How great the soul is! Do not you all wonder & admire to see and beholdand hear? Can you all believe half the truth, and admire to hear thewonders how great the soul is—only behold—past finding out! Only seehow large the soul is!—that if a man is drowned in the sea, what agreat bubble comes up out of the top of the water! the last of the mandying under water—this is wind—is the soul that is the last to ascendout of the deep to glory—it is the breath from on high doth go on highto glory. The bubble is the soul. A young fellow's for gunning for thegood of bodies and souls.
My frinds & felow mortals there is A first Cose of all things mostComle so it Came to pass that one Abraham bish up got A qanted with myDafter—shee A babey he Old in Eage and Larning and Colage Lant & LawyerLant and preast Lant and masonik Lant and Divel Lant he was then Nothingas for Cash he being A fox and A old fox he was After the graps he tastedof them he Cryed out fower this Anne meal sent my Dafter home he sad A bdid Not git all the Lovs & Littel fishes but got A part and Now 9 yearsI have Now had my Dafter Crasey in & by the Cose of this wild A & b hellon Earth o o pittey me All good felow mortels sade Creater A b mad withLarning & as pour as A snake and as proud as Lousfer he sade his fatherwas worth twenty thosand Dolors & he was Not more than five thousandDolors he send for bishup bass to be mared befor dublessed & Insisted tobe maried he says Daxter may Crye them Down in the Lore Reogon After sumtime thay got published then he in sisted Not to have Any witness went and[19] hid finly my gost my wife that was the gost 13 yearst Last march thaywhere maried I was maried to the gost thirtey five Last may I have binin hell all the time more so sence Abraham bishup got in to my house hehurt me and familey one tun of silver it was the Cose of my parting withmis Dexter Now I Am free Now for A wife that has A sole the gost was Agisard & A Cose all Round her A b striking my Dafter on hur side as sheeswares to grat Lawyer Dexter and to many others I be Leave it that knowsthe trouth the bloue he gave hur on the side shee had to put plasters onher side Neare three years when Likker is in the wit is scattered A b isthe beast or Creater two Leged Conekett boull short Nek boull head thikhare big sholders black Corlley hare he wants to be A god but what I sotsade Creater Down at short A quatence I Can prove it my selfe by men ofthe sekent magentoude my gesing of the Creater it tourned out Accordingto my gessing and when I see my father the grat good man father Thomasgefsion I will Let the Cat out of the bag and give Lite to the blindsade A b will Doue for sum offess Everye Annemel will Doue for sumthingA b will mak a midling good CAMP COLLEMON A thing hier if I am a Roug ingrane so be it A Lepard Cant Alter hur spots Nor beaver wont groue on Ahouk back I be Leave if my father the presente koue the holl trouth ofA b treatment to my Dafter from her mouth the grat man woul shead tearswith greafe and all good peopel Like wise shocking is the A fare
I am
TIMOTHY DEXTER
To man kind at Large I Never had the honour to be Long I meane to thatonerabel mesonek Order I Noked once once twise three times & the gohstApeared sade thou shall Not enter be Cose I have toue much knowledge inmy head—I sopose had I bin one then should bin to keep open Dors forthives & Robers I have Rougs plentey without keeping tavern I Dont wontNow Abrahams Nor Aney of the order only fict Ladeys mared and grat gentilmen that belongs out of the town mared peopol and fine widders I wishto see with pleasur for I wonts to marey A fine wider for I hant hadNow wife for thirteene years Next orgest I gave the gost fore hundredwate of silver to quit the state grat Lawyer passons the gient of theLaw Rote the Contract the Cose of it was that mis[20] Dexter that was wouldhave my Dafter marey to A bishup Cosed the A greement the sole Coseshe has two trousteays which have the money to deal out the intressand shee is so ginress shee bys hur Neadels I bys the pins & sisers &all things Else shee Leaves the in tress in the hands of the trosteysI must have A Companon soun good by all At present with glorey
TIMOTHY DEXTER
I ask for giveness of the world of mankind for teling the trouth I meaneNo hurt to A flie only when he bits me then I kils the flye if I can Ihave bin my one tromter fore teene years my tromter is Dead my haveingso many wounds in fas and on my head I Doue it to make a good Lafe tokeep my sperets from sinking pittey me all good peopel A men
and fourder I maried widder frothingham shee had fore Children the hollof all there stats was short of thirteene houndred Dolors this womangroed mad shee sade shee must goue to hell goue ferting for I have finedA ganst the holey goast un pardinbell sin shee was for making way withhur selfe in three monts I got the best minister in town to Lay the gosthe prayed hartey but Could Not Laye the serpent only in part shee hasbin Cracey Every sence it is A wonder I am A Live two children sukedhur brest—it is heretarey two Children maried now Live upon me beingdisorded thay beat me offen with Death Cloube & the old gost toue bad tosay I be silent under serkoumstanes I mus Cout & Roum sell the one of thefirst plases all most in the world for I am in grat fear of my Life beingtaken A way such blows I have had from toue or three gost in my famileyis worth twelve hundred hoxets of geamator best shougers Even A saxton totake the blows I wodent for fifty milon Dollors words cant Express thebloddey war in my familey three gosts all Noys Robing of me I must sellwith tears in my Eys I Cant see to Rite Aany more fare well I say good bye
T DEXTER
How Did Dexter make his money Inw ye says bying whale bone for stain forships in grosing three houndred & 40 tuns bort all in boston salum and allin Noue york under Cover oppenly told them for my ships thay all Lafed soI had at my one prise I had four Couning men for Rouners thay souned thehorne as I told them to Act the fool I was foull of Cash I had Nine tunof silver on hand at that time all that time the Creaters more or LessLafing it spread very fast heare is the Rub in fifty Days thay smelt ARat found whare it was gone to Nouebry Port speklaters swarmed Like hellhouns to be short with it I made seventey five per sent one tun and halfeof silver and over one more spect Drole A Nouf I Dreamed of warming pansthree Nits that thay would doue in the west ingas I got not more thanfortey two thousand put them in Nine vessele for difrent ports that tuckgood hold———I cleared sevinty nine per sent———the pans thay madyous of them for Coucking very good master for Coukey blessed good inDeade missey got Nise handed Now bourn my fase the best thing I Ever seein borne days I found I was very luckkey in spekkelasion I Dreamed thatthe good book was Run Down in this Countrey Nine years gone so Low azhalfe prise and Dull at that the bibbel I means I had the Readey Cashby holl sale I bort twelve per sent under halfe prise thay Cost fortyone sents Each bibels twenty one thousand I put them into twenty onevessels for the westinges and sent A text that all of them must have onebibel in Every familey or if not thay would goue to hell and if thay hadDun wiked flie to the bibel and on thare Neas and kiss the bibel threetimes and Look up to heaven Annest for giveness my Capttens all hadCompleat orders heare Coms the good Luck I made one hundred per sent &Littel over then I found I had made money A Nuf I hant speck A Latedsence old times by goverment secourties I made or cleared forty seventhousands Dolors that is the old A fare Now I toald the all the sekrettNow be still Let me A Lone Dont wonder Now more houe I got my money boaz
T DEXTER
Now to all onnest men to pittey me that I have bin in hell: 35 yearsin this world with the gost A woman I maried and have two Children NowLiveing Abram bishup mared my Dafter sence the troubel is such thatwords Cant be Exprexed Nine years disorded[22] for a tun of silver for threemonths I could Not have the gost in my pallas sleep Not have to be hadNow to save my Life I will sell if Not I will Let the house it is asNotted as Any hous in the oile shouls and furder in the world or senceNoers Arke & sence the floud taking in my self finly such A plase Nowhare in the world all gous with it hoses chareags all but plate &gouels A Reserve the holey bybel and one bouck more my old head haswore out three boddeys it would take a journey of Docters one our tofind and Count the scars on my head given by the goust & others Amen
Joune 12- 1805 Clean trouth
T DEXTER
I say the grate mister Divel that has so maney Nick Names a frind tothe preasts Now is dead all and the pope Likewise and the founders ofmesonic A Cheat foull of war and gratness of hell Dead preasts Dead andLawyers Damede Deade A braham b bi Ass Dead and All the frinds of mankindsings prasses that wee are the grat familey of mankind Now out of hellDeleured from fire and smoak bourning for Ever Now all in heaven upponEarth Now all frinds Now for A Day of Regoising all over the world asone grate familey all Nasions to be ounited No more wars for fifty yearsand Longer I Recommend pease A Congress in france and when wee are Ripefor A Emper in this Contrey Call for me to take the helm or a Conslerin the Afare of trouth Amen and Amen
TIMOTHY DEXTER
P S—one thing further I happened not to think of that grate Creaturewhich some fools Call the Goast and others say that he is wanted—ButI thing that it will be of searvice to let the Thanttron Dye
T DEXTER
Scarting trouths fortey six years gone old french war to git men and Ladsto List the prests told them thay would Live as Long as if thay staedat home for Every boulitt had its Commison from the Lord he directedthem one time when old good mister Emmerson had A gurnemon to preach Iheard him say for Addom sin there was Now in hell milons of milons ofChildren Not more than A[23] span Long all this is troue and when there wasa A Drouth most over thay would Call A fast and pray very Annest for thebottels of heaven to be on Corked so the Rane mit Com Down the minesterdid Not say how Larg thay whare I gess they held five hundred hoxetts Each
1805 may 27
TIMOTHY DEXTER
Trouth I afirme I am so much of A foule the Rougs want to git my Jouels& Loavs & Littel fishes without my Leave Leave is Lit thay all Caled meA foull forty years Now I will Call all fouls but onnes men Now to brove meA foull I Never Could sing Nor play Cards Nor Dance Nor tell A Long storeyNor play on Any mouskel Nor pray Nor make A pen when I was young I Couldplay on A Jous harp it would mak my mouth warter and the Ladeys sumthingwarter gess what I sade Nothing A good Lafe is beter than Crying A Clamwill Cry And warter wen thay are out of there Ellemen so wee the same ifI had Not the gost in my house I would I mean give Lite to my brothers &sisters and have A pease all over the world and beat the trouthe intomy frinds houe goud it is houe onnest it would be and houe man kind hasbin in posed upon & houe thay have bin blinded with untrouths gosts andmister Divels there is Now None of that order all Lye the mesonek if thaywilt make a book of trouth I will give the Creaters but I will take theChare and put my frind bonne partey on my Rte hand And the grat ginrelmeroue on my Left hand A Nuf to give the sword is in the banks A Emperonly be still I will take the helm in Love I am A quaker No blod spiledall in the Love of A Emper you will have in fortey years I may Com back &see houe you all goue on & what you ware when the gost is gone and misterDivel pease on Earth be fore I will have a war in my Day I will be yourfrind the Emper and if I want help I will Call my frind boneypartey andgorge the third & Dewide the Lose Now take Care peas I say Except of whatis Rewealed to me for it will Com to pass I was born when grat powersRouled I was borne in 1747 Janeuarey 22 on this day in the morning A gratsnow storme the sines in the seventh house wives mars Came fored Joupeterstud by houlding the Candel I was to be one grat man mars got the bethto be onnest man to Doue good to my felow mortelz I think I am A quaker[24] but I have so Littel sense I Cant Deseave I Can swep my hous & git allA Noue gelt & goue out of hell is bless Law and trouth and Reason on myside it must be done when I git my worthy widdow it is Dun Not one wordof Anger as Long as I Live to a A good woman I a firme
TIMOTHY DEXTER
fourder I Dont have Aney of the Ladeys of prinsbell spend the Intress Iwill spend Day and Nite All I have and Doue all the good to please I canmake as much heaven upon Earth as posbel and then Dye in peas A men andAmen for A Companon I must have to make out this heaven then I am happythe goue in the dark in pease when the Candel gous out in the—Lord godof Nater one more A men good bye
T DEXTER
forder A grate good man Came to see me Not Long sence I told sade manI had many Innemys he says be Cos you are toue onnest to be beloved youDont gine in Comon ways with Rougs bibel making mesonik order to promesto pay & Never pay only with A Lye and gine heell on Earth Cheat allyou Can gine the mob then you are A brother Now I am glad I did Not Nockthe Doer Down my good Louck my god and my god blessed be my good Luch
T DEXTER
sum more sweet meats & trouths I say Now man sence Noers Ark Dare to Riteof so Littel Laning I begon when abrham was in my hous I then Rote thisworld was hell & men was Divels sum better then others sum white Divelssum black & sum Copper Divels I for got them bloue Divels this spred farwas printed in many papers a bishop Cosed my blood to bile thirteene yearslast March as when I begun to Rite I sade the grat Rougs was the best meno o for shame the onnest man was Lafed at & a b being foull of Larning itmaks him mad to be a Lousefer his Rane is short I hope to see my fatherthe grat felosfer the presedent before I die the trouth he must know a men
T DEXTER
I Crys Crys Lik a babey when I Rits my trobel is so grat to have myDafter so Crasey the Rick of our Lives such blows with such weapons ofa sudden & strike such brouses is worth thirty[25] millon of Dolors for apouer man to have and others o brous me thay wont my Life to git my money& so I must seel & be a sitteson of the world it is a wonder I am a Livethe burds will Chip offen before I Can git to sleep the Noys is so grateall hell No more a b bishups he wants to be Deatey Let sade beast goueonce & twise act so Now toue much Laning make Rougs and fouls in theEand Dig a Dich & fall in to it white Rop or a hare Rop taks them in time
trouth
This is revealed to me how the world was made with what stuff it was madewith is the question Now I tell the with paper pen and ink and type theAnemels to be the founders of it with a Lye & Lyes upon Lyes wose thenbeasts or Snaks or wouls or bars tigers Divils and ten times wose with allLyes untrouths the world allways was and is Look out for trouth a men I
TIMOTHY DEXTER
fourder in six Days and verey good and harde Laber I Cant gitt mymonement Dun in sixty Days and work hard very hard & sweet it was forwant of maney hands I had No hiram Nor Solomon only my selfe
T DEXTER
World makers mankind with marbel and parchment and paper pen & ink andprinters tips and Lyes upon Lyes amen and amen the world was made in sixDays out of Nothing o yess o lye Now all troue Lye yess all the world over
TIMOTHY DEXTER
APPENDIX.
IN HONOR OF
TIMOTHY DEXTER, ESQ.
This great philosopher may indeed be styled a phenomenon in nature! Themany literary qualifications he possesses rank him foremost among literarycharacters.——That unequalled production from the pen of this wonderfulphilosopher, denominated "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones," has not onlyreceived universal applause, and been ranked as of the first magnitudein the literary world, but has had such rapidity in its sale, that acopy cannot be procured, though diligently sought after by men of themost transcendant merit.
Where can we find a man so extensively useful, and so eminentlycalculated to diffuse light to a dark and ignorant multitude, as thisrare philosopher? How penetrating his understanding! How deep hisideas! What a multitude of discoveries which before were hid in embryo,have made their appearance at the nod of his genius! Surely we may say,Blessed are the people who are highly favored with the greatest Luminarythat ever gave light to an existing world!!
While aiming at a just portrait of this remarkable Naturalist andPhilosopher, his generosity is no less a subject of admiration, thanhis literary and philosophical abilities. The readiness with which hisbenevolent soul bestows donations calls forth the grateful acknowledgementof all who have been liberally assisted from his bountiful hand.
See him the first to assist in building a church for the worship ofGod! See him liberally give for the purchase of bells, the ready cash,without hesitation! See him expending his fortune to preserve ineverlasting romembrance, characters who have shone with[27] unexampledgreatness in Europe and America! Here the subject fails. Vain man mayas well attempt to stop the course of nature, as to do ample justice tothis wonderful man!
Behold all nature stands aghast
To hear thy fame from east to west!
How great how grand of thee we hear,
Thou man of sense—thou eastern star!
All men inquire—but few can tell
How thou in science doth excel!
Great philosophic genius, we,
The meanest reptiles, bow the knee.
At thy majestic shrine we shrink!
What can we do, or say, or think!
When contemplating on thy worth.
Which hath astonish'd all the earth.
Great DEXTER, did the world do right,
Thy name would shine with brilliant light!
Each would declare thy wond'rous fame,
And shout at DEXTER'S mighty name!
Salem, June 14, 1805
My Lord Dexter,
By the politeness of Mr. Emerson I received the very valuable contentsof your package. A new edition of that unprecedented performance, entitled"A Pickle for the Knowing Ones," &c. is very urgently called for by thefriends of literature in this country and in England—and I presume withthe additions and improvements intended to accompany the second edition,provided it should be well printed, would entitle the author to a seatwith the Disciples of Sir Joseph Banks, if not to a place in Bonaparte'sLegion of Honor—for my Lord DEXTER is an honorable man. But, sir, thework cannot be executed for the sum named—nor in the time specified.—Iwill print an edition of 500 copies with the additions, for fifty dollars,and cannot possibly do them for less.
Wishing your Lordship health in perpetuity—a continuance of youradmirable reasoning faculties—good spirits, and an abundance ofwealth—and finally a safe passage over any river not with Sticks,but a pleasure boat, I remain yours with the utmost profundity.
W. CARLTON.
The Right Honorable Lord Dexter,
Kt. Newburyport.
The follering peases are not my Riting but very drole
TIMOTHY DEXTER
Mr. Melcher,
Your publishing the following extract from a letter said to be from a trader among the Indians to a friend, may amuse some of your customers for the Gazette.
A few days ago one of the Indians paid me a visit. After someconversation, he said that a minister from the United States had been withhis tribe to teach them the Christian religion. He says that there is butone only living and true God, who is a good, wise, and powerful spirit(this Indian say too) and that there are three persons in the god head,of one substance and power, God the father, God the Son and God the HolyGhost, that the Father is of none, neither begotten, or proceeding,the Son is eternally begotten of the Father, the Holy Ghost eternallyproceeding from the Father and the Son, and that the Holy Ghost visiteda virgin, and conveyed the Son into her; where he continued nine moonsand then was born like other children, was born God and man, that whenhe was about thirty years old began to preach, but the great men no likehis preaching, sent their warriors, who took and killed him.
Indians ask what all this talk mean, he say that the first man and womanbroke God's law in eating what God had forbidden, that therefore they andall the children that should proceed from them must die, and be punishedafter death forever; that the Son came and died to save some of mankindfrom being punished after death. Oh! 'trange that man could kill Godthe Son, and that his death be of service to mankind—great many peopledie before the Son of God, and did not know any thing about him—it wasthen asked whether his dying would do poor Indians any good; he say yes,if they believe; then me say that pappoose no believe them do no good;he say you must leave that with God, and believe for yourself—one sayit is hard to believe such 'tories; if Indian tell such 'trange things,the white people no believe um.
A curious Sermon, by the Rev. Mr. Hyberdin, which he made at the request of certain thieves that robbed him on a hill near Hartlgrow, in Hampshire, (England) in their presence and at that instant.
I greatly marvel that any man will disgrace thieving, and think thatthe doers thereof are worthy of death, considering it as a thing thatcometh near unto virtue, being used in all countries, and allowed byGod himself; the thing which I cannot compendiously show unto you at soshort a warning, and on so sharp an occasion. I must desire you, gentleaudience of thieves, to take in good part what at this time cometh intomy mind, not doubting but that you, through your good knowledge, areable to add much more unto it, than this which I shall now offer unto you.
First, Fortitude and stoutness of courage, and also boldness of mind,is commended of some men to be a virtue; which being granted, who isthere then that will not judge thieves to be virtuous? For they are ofall men the most stout and hardy, and the most void of fear; for thievingis a thing usual among all men; for not only you that are here present,but also many others in divers places, both men, women and children, richand poor, are daily of the faculty, as the hangman at Newgate can testify;and that it is allowed of by God himself is evident from Scripture; Forif you examine the whole course of the Bible you will find that thieveshave been beloved of God; for Jacob, when he came out of Mesopotamia,did steal his uncle Laban's kids. The same Jacob did also steal hisbrother Esau's blessing; and yet God said, I have chosen Jacob andrefused Esau. The children of Israel, when they came out of Egypt,did steal the Egyptian's jewels of silver and jewels of gold, as Godcommanded them to do.
David, in the days of Abiathar, the high priest, came into the temple andstole the hallowed bread; and yet God said, "David is a man after my ownheart." Christ himself, when he was here on earth, did take an ass andcolt that was none of his; and yet God said, "This is my beloved son,in whom I am well pleased." Thus you see that God delighted in thieves.
But most of all I marvel that men can despise thieves, whereas in manypoints you be like Christ himself; for Christ had no dwelling place nomore than you—Christ at length was caught, and so will you—he went tohell and so will you. In this you differ from him, for he rose and wentinto heaven—so you will[30] never do without God's great mercy, which Godgrant you. To whom with the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, be all honorand glory, for ever and ever. Amen.
From the Providence Phœnix of December, 1804.
MARQUIS OF NEWBURYPORT!!
[On Monday last arrived in this town the most noble and illustrious Lord TIMOTHY DEXTER, of Newburyport, Massachusetts, who has since his arrival requested the publication of the following stanzas in this day's paper, as a humble tribute to the incomprehensible majesty of his name! While they serve as a brilliant specimen of the gifted talents and admirable sublimity of the Laureat, from whose pen they flowed, the virtuoso in genealogies, and the worshippers of noble rank and boundless fortune may derive a rich and delicious satisfaction from the subject to which they are devoted!
ADVERTIsem*nT EXTRA.
OF THE CELEBRATED
LORD DEXTER.
LORD DEXTER is a man of fame,
Most celebrated is his name;
More precious far than gold that's pure,
Lord Dexter live for evermore.
His noble house it shines more bright
Than Lebanon's most pleasant height,
Never was one who step'd therein
Who wanted to come out again.
His house is fill'd with sweet perfumes,
Rich furniture doth fill his rooms;
Inside and out it is adorn'd,
And on the top an eagle's form'd.
His house is white and trimm'd with green,
For many miles it may be seen;
It shines as bright as any star,
The fame of it has spread afar.
Lord Dexter, thou, whose name alone
Shines brighter than king George's throne;
Thy name shall stand in books of fame,
And Princes shall his name proclaim.
Lord Dexter hath a coach beside,
In pomp and splendor he doth ride;
The horses champ the silver bitt,
And throw the foam around their feet.
The images around him stand,
For they were made by his command;
Looking to see Lord Dexter come,
With fixed eyes they see him home.
Four lions stand to guard the door,
With their mouths open to devour
All enemies who do disturb
Lord Dexter or his shady grove.
Lord Dexter, like king Solomon,
Hath gold and silver by the ton,
And bells to churches he hath given,
To worship the great king of heaven.
His mighty deeds they are so great,
He's honor'd both by church and state,
And when he comes all must give way,
To let Lord Dexter bear the sway.
When Dexter dies all things shall droop,
Lord East, Lord West, Lord North shall stoop,
And then Lord South with pomp shall come,
And bear his body to the tomb.
His tomb most charming to behold,
A thousand sweets it doth unfold;
When Dexter dies shall willows weep,
And mourning friends shall fill the street.
May Washington immortal stand,
May Jefferson by God's command
Support the right of all mankind,
John Adams not a whit behind.
America with all your host,
Lord Dexter in a bumper toast;
May he enjoy his life in peace,
And when he's dead his name not cease.
In heaven may he always reign,
For there's no sorrow, sin, nor pain:
Unto the world I leave the rest,
For to pronounce Lord Dexter blest.
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Transcriber's Note: The block of punctuation (on a page by itself) isinexplicably left unexplained in this edition. Dexter wrote before it in thesecond edition:
"fouder mister printer the Nowing ones complane of my book the fustedition had no stops I put in A Nuf here and thay may peper and solt itas they plese"
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